A Virgin's Guide to Boy Bars in Bangkok, Thailand

Getting the best from your first bar trip

Parn, of Bangkok's Top Man Go-Go Bar, is a realist. As much as he would like every visitor to spend all his time in Top Man, he realizes the tourist will browse many boy bars. Because he has chai dee (literally, "good heart"), Parn presents this Virgin's Guide to Bangkok Boy Bars. Those who have previously been this route can also profit from the words below. Enjoy!

Entry

Most bars are on the ground floor or the one above (called the second floor to confuse the English). Entry in many cases is by ticket that includes one drink. Check always how much the drinks are. The range is from 120 Baht to 200 Baht. There should be NO COVER CHARGE, but it is wise to check.

Seating

Upon entry the Captain or a mammasan will show you to a seat. Many bars have a choice of a bar or open seats. You will not upset anyone if you chose to sit where you want. Always ensure that you can see the dance floor!

Drinking

Most bars carry beer, soft drinks, and spirits – usually all the same price for a single measure. If you paid for a door ticket, make sure you give it to the waiter when you order. When you get subsequent drinks a bill will be placed in a pot in front of you. In a new bar, check that the price on the bill is what you were quoted at the door.

Boys

The dancers (called "boys") will be Thai young men aged from 18 to 25 or so. Anyone under 18 is illegal but some bars flout this (if in doubt, ask to see a boy's ID card before going with him. The cards are compulsory in Thailand). Some are gay, but many are not, or at best bi-sexual. Most come from the poorer provinces where "dancing" is easier money than farming! All boys wear numbers so that you can identify them easily.

Language

English is widely spoken by bar staff, but many boys know only a few strategic sentences (like "what is you name?", "Where do you come from" etc.). If you want to know more details about the boy, ask the mammasan. Do not be embarrassed about asking personal or explicit things – better to find out now than in your room, for both of you!

Dancing & Shows

Most bars open for dancing at 9 a.m., and go onto 2 a.m. or so. Many will have cabaret shows (especially at weekends). During the evening, different bars put on a wide variety of shows (paint show, oil dancing, showers, sexy). It is illegal to have sex shows but again some bars flout this, and the police fee they pay is reflected in the bar price.

If you like?

Boys should not approach you, so if you like a particular boy you can ask the mammasan to bring him over. You can also wave to him, with your hand palm facing down please. Pointing, however, is considered impolite in Thai etiquette. If he is dancing, it is usual to wait until he has completed his turn but not always necessary.

What next?

If a boy sits with you for more than a minute or so, and you want to talk with him, it is customary but not compulsory, to buy him as drink. It should be the same price as all other drinks. If you decide that he is not for you, or you are going to go, you just say goodbye and he will understand and go back to the dancers. If he has been with you a while, it is customary, but again not compulsory, to give him a small tip (50 to 100 Baht) – remember drinks are nice for him but they do not pay his food or rent.

Face

Thais, like the Chinese, put "keeping face" as a high priority. This means honouring the boy as a person, not for what he does. By buying him a drink, or giving him a tip, you are "giving him face". Likewise, to ignore him, or sit there with your arms around him talking to other Farangs will cause him "to lose face". <Ed. Note: In other words, there is nothing wrong with being a good guest in the country>.

Short time/long time?

If you decide you want the young man to be with you for massage or other delight, you need to "off" him. He will then go off to get dressed and return. Be sure he understands whether you want "short time" or "long time". "Short time" means going to your hotel room, or a "short time room" for about an hour or so. "Long time" means the date sleeps all night with you. Beware, many boys cannot do "long time" as they have daytime jobs or attend college.

Rooms

If your hotel is unlikely to let your new friend enter, you can usually get a "short time room" from the bar. Prices vary but about 200 Baht is reasonable.

Check bin!

When you want to leave, you ask the waiter for "Check Bin", and he will take away the "bin" and come back with it added up. If you are taking your new friend out, a fee (usually 200 Baht) will be added as the "off fee". Also the room fee if you have asked for one. A tip here for the bar and wait staff of around 10% of the drinks bill is customary but again not compulsory!

Safe only

Use of condoms is compulsory – customers will usually be barred if they refuse to use them.

Up to you! (Lao-ta khun)

The most difficult question asked in bars is how much to reward your new friend after he leaves your room. Most bars suggest 800 Baht for short time is not unreasonable, although many bars say 1,000 Baht is the minimum. Long time off depends on how long! Do not be cheap thought. An extra 100 Baht or so means a lot more to him than the loss of one drink does to you!

Bar cheats

Sadly, a number of Farang try to cheat the bars by telling a boy to meet them "outside" when the bar closes, or meet them at 9 the next evening at their hotel. As a short-term idea, the tourist may save 200 Baht, but if the boy is caught, or does not show up for work on time, he will be fined or (at worst) lose his job. The temptation of money may entice your friend to cheat for you, but when you are back in Duluth, Brisbane, Sheffield or Tokyo, and he has no job, only then will he realise how cheap you really were!

Butterfly

If you go back to the same bar, your friend will come over to say hello, but you do not have to have him sit with you. The boys are very used to Farang, especially those on holiday, wishing to have perhaps a different friend each day. The Thai expression "phee-suer" means "butterfly" and you will not upset your previous friend by a change of loyalty. Equally, if you want to take two friends at one time, most boys will agree but check that your No. 1 friend does like your No.2 friend, or better still ask No.1 to chose No. 2!

Holiday Companion

If you want your new friend to stay with you all your holiday, or be your host up country, most bars will settle for a lower "off" fee. Please ensure than he fully understands what you are asking as his English may not be as good as you think.

Happily ever after?

Many boys do come to Bangkok in search of a long time Farang friend, many boys will write letters to you (the second one usually asking for money!), and many boys will be your host on holidays. The realm is expansive, but remember only Sleeping Beauty and Prince Charming lived "happily ever after".

Other matters

Hotels

Whilst your budget will dictate your choice of hotel, so will it restrict whether your new friend can stay with you. Most tourist hotels have no problems, but most 4--5 star hotels will only let someone stay who is registered with you. If in doubt, ask first – it saves the embarrassment of being refused entry.

Street boys

The streets of Bangkok, and its shopping centres, are awash with young males of varying beauty. There are many "pick-up" areas but beware some like Robinson Silom have become dangerous in recent years, with tourists being beaten up and mugged – you have been warned!

Getting there

With the opening of the new overhead railway, you can access the bars quite speedily. For the Silom scene go to SALA DAENG STATION. Passengers on the Sukhumvit Line must change, therefore, at CENTRAL (SIAM) STATION. To get to Patpong by BTS Skytrain, go to SALA DAENG Station (Silom Line) and use Exit 3 (Robinson). Soi 2 (ed. note: Where Top Man is) is 100 meters.

Email Mike at [email protected]

Last updated: December 11, 1999.